Well, she would never have to worry about drowning, would she?

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I think she wants us to see what she had for lunch!

....... where snakes in the grass, are absolutely free!

I’m all for trying out all sorts of sex positions but this is a new one on me! 

He looks like he’s just flown in through the window and landed on her ass.

UP, UP AND AWAY!!

He’s faster than a speeding bullet. He’s more powerful than a locomotive. He’s able to leap tall buildings at a single bound. Why can’t he get a girl?

Assume a mating between Superman and a human woman designated LL for convenience.

Either Superman has gone completely schizo and believes himself to be Clark Kent; or he knows what he’s doing, but no longer gives a damn. Thirty-one years is a long time. For Superman it has been even longer. He has X-ray vision; he knows just what he’s missing. (*One should not think of Superman as a Peeping Tom. A biological ability must be used. As a child Superman may never have known that things had surfaces, until he learned to suppress his X-ray vision. If millions of people tend shamelessly to wear clothing with no lead in the weave, that is hardly Superman’s fault.*)

The problem is this. Electroencephalograms taken of men and women during sexual intercourse show that orgasm resembles “a kind of pleasurable epileptic attack.” One loses control over one’s muscles.

Superman has been known to leave his fingerprints in steel and in hardened concrete, accidentally. What would he do to the woman in his arms during what amounts to an epileptic fit? [full funny article via rawwb.com].

My colleagues and I know our boss is having an affair with a woman working in the same office. I have known for a long time but it’s just recently that I feel it affects our work. They often come in late and it seems to be affecting the interpersonal communication in the office, as he seems awkward and she seems to be the jealous kind. So my question is should I raise the issue with my boss? jlosmc

Response:-
Oh that’s tricky. How long have you worked there? If it’s less than a year, I’d be careful about raising it. If you talk to your boss and he takes it the wrong way, he might look for an excuse to sack/marginalise you; and in the absence of a year’s service, you won’t have any protection against unfair dismissal. Why should you be the only one to stick your head above the parapet? [read the full response via ivillage.co.uk]

In case you didn’t believe he exists ........................

It’s almost inevitable and should be expected.

Sense of humour definitely required!

I pushed my cock deeper into Amy’s butt hole. Into depths which had never before been explored. She squealed as I rammed my cock into her asshole. Laughing, I grabbed a handful of her long blonde hair and yanked her head back while drilling my cock into the most forbidden depths of her tight asshole. I fucked her ass mercilessly. Until she begged for mercy. I fucked her so good that she lost it and fucking farted. Could you believe it? Amy farted during anal sex! The big girl farted with my cock still in her ass. I laughed as she turne d red from embarassment. I decided to give her a lesson in anal sex etiquette. I made her say some rather memorable phrases while getting fucked in the ass. I Shall Not Fart During Anal Sex Ever Again. [full story via literotica.com].

10. Immediately go shopping for zucchini and cucumbers.

9. Squat over a hand-held mirror for an hour and a half.

8. See if they could finally do splits.

7. See if it’s truly possible to launch a ping pong ball 20 feet.

6. Cross their legs without rearranging.

5. Get picked up in a bar in less than 10 minutes BEFORE closing time.

4. Have consecutive multiple orgasms and still be ready for more without sleeping first.

3. Go to the gynecologist for a pelvic exam and ask to have it recorded on video.

2. Sit on the edge of the bed and pray for breasts, too.

and the NUMBER ONE thing men would do if they woke up with a vagina.

1. Finally find that damned G-spot.!!!!!

Always a good idea to keep your eyes closed if you think your man’s going to shoot his load in your face - it’s incredible how much it can sting, but don’t worry unduly - your risk of catching a life-threatening disease from spunk in your eye, even if your eye is carrying an infection, is practically zilch.  Read on:-

“I live in Australia. I work in retail and as part of my duties I am required to check the fitting rooms (where people try on clothes) - while doing this recently I rested my hand on the handle on the inside of the door. I did not realise that it had semen on it until I wiped my eye (which was already irritated from recently having a cold) and my eye began to sting and then I noticed semen all over the back of the door. Thus, unwittingly my eye came into contact with a quantity of semen from an unknown person. This fact is beyond doubt. However, now I am very worried about getting HIV from this exposure to the semen or even Hep C. I am petrified. What should I do? What are my chances of getting HIV or HEP C? When can I reasonably get tested and know that the results are conclusive. Are my chances further increased by the fact that I already had an irritation in my eye? Could you please send an answer to my email address so that it may put my fear to rest as I am starting to feel very stressed about the situation”.

OK, your risk is presumed spunk in the eye. Assuming the spunker was HIV positive, the estimated risk of acquiring HIV following a mucous membrane exposure is 0.09%. Please note that’s direct mucous membrane exposure to HIV-positive spunk! Your estimated risk would be even lower, as we don’t know the HIV status of your fitting room phantom.

Regarding hepatitis C, your risk is essentially nonexistent. Even with hepatitis C-infected blood, transmission via mucous membrane exposure is extremely rare.

Bottom line: I see no reason for you to be “petrified.”

What should you do?  [full article via thebody.com].

No need for X-Ray specs here!!

Now when we wind the clock back a few years, we begin to understand the structure of male/ female partnerships and I have consequently named it the BULGE factor.

The bulge factor is an illusive thing to define as it goes through a metamorphosis as time moves on. Women however are born with an ability to assess the bulge factor early in life. Of course the analogy of James and Jenny is highly relevant in the explanation of this bulge factor.

When a girl reaches puberty, strong natural instincts begin to work as she prepares for selection of her “mate” in the courtship dance that fulfills her childhood dream, the one mommy has helped hone to razor sharpness.

As she meets young prospective suitors, the Darwinian theory of natural selection plays out her fantasy, for she is searching for her “white knight’. All her formative training makes her seek out a man that is a “good specimen”. Characteristics for the man are that he will have a good physic, a reasonable bulge in his pants while having the potential to develop a suitable bulge in his wallet over time. [full article via home.earthlink.net].

Esquire’s sex expert weighs in on what happens when women go bare downstairs:-

To be honest, I find most extended pubic-hair ruminations tedious. Even psychosocial ones. But if I were to briefly put on my Camille Paglia hat, which is from a truck stop, I would say something about the current hair lacuna stemming directly from the cult of the Dionysian bitch-priestess. Yes, I would, and then I would bring up Madonna. But I’ve misplaced that hat, so I’ll simply say the new bareness is a trend instigated by porn and exploited by the media, because when those two get together, anything can happen. No one suffers much from an absence of pubic hair; its evolutionary function is thought to be as a buffer for intercourse ... [full article via esquire.com].

I don’t think this was quite what she had in mind when she was promised a bunch of red roses..................

But surely, the safest and yet most satisfyingly painful is pure and simple self-flagellation. Take a small bunch of sharp twigs (or perhaps rose stems, complete with thorns, if you’ve got the money), tie them together at one end and fan the other, rather like a rudimentary brush, and proceed to beat your own back until you bleed and pass out. Allow the wounds to heal, then do it all again. It’s usually accompanied by copious weeping.

For the more advanced self-flagellator, there is always the option of fashioning a cat o’ nine tails. Nine thin leather strips, again bound together at one end, but each one with a small piece of sharp rock, twisted metal or broken glass tied to the end of the strand. You can then beat yourself across the spine, allowing the fragments to bury themselves into your flesh, and then draw them through your skin as you drag the ‘cat’ off your back. Not exactly my idea of fun, but certainly preferable to watching the Eurovision Song Contest. [via blog of eternal disappointmentt].

.................thank God for that!

What exactly defines “ugly”?  I’ve known many handsome men, considered to be “great catches” only to be turned off completely by their ugliness inside. And most beautiful women I’ve ever encountered are so wrapped up in themselves that they don’t have a clue how to be a beautiful person.

Personally, I’m more interested in a person’s manner than their physical attractiveness; but I do think pride in oneself is important, ie. paying attention to personal hygiene and making the most of what God gave them without being obsessed about their looks.  Letting yourself go demonstrates a lack of self-respect and for your partner, which is unnecessary and destructive to a relationship.

Sexiness evolves according to what we see over and over. This mechanism, Winkielman noted in a statement, “accounts for cultural differences in beauty — and historical differences in beauty as well — because beauty basically depends on what you’ve been exposed to and what is therefore easy on your mind.”

Past studies seemed to show that people look at human faces in search of cues as to how likely a person would be to make a healthy baby. While that may be true, Piotr Winkielman of the University of California at San Diego and colleagues didn’t even use people in their attractiveness test. They showed test subjects patterns of dots. The sets those people liked the most were the ones that closely resembled a “prototypical” set they had been conditioned to recognize.

In short, we like familiar things. We come to anticipate how things are supposed to look by seeing prototypes. Then, when we encounter something that resembles the prototype, our brains don’t have to work too hard to recognize and process it. Winkielman calls this “fluency.” The more fluent we are, the easier it is and we show our appreciation for that ease by rating a fish, or a bird, or a car, or a set of dots, or Scarlett Johansson, as more attractive than something unexpected or unusual.

The messages we receive about sex from our parents, the media, and our educational, social, and religious institutions tend to be contradictory, and often downright false. One way to combat the lies we’re told about sex is to start cataloguing them. Below is a very incomplete list of some of the biggest lies we’re told about sex.

Sex is natural and simple: You should just know how to do it.

Sex is natural, we’re told, because we have to do it to survive. But this doesn’t accurately describe what human sexuality has become. Intercourse may be instinctual for some (but clearly not all) of us, but sexuality is much more than intercourse, and none of it actually comes easily. It’s it strange that we are taught how to perform most other basic human behaviors (how to eat, how to communicate, how to go to the bathroom) and as we get older we learn the more complicated ones (how to read, write, drive a car, work) and yet we’re just supposed to know how to have sex. [full article via sexuality.about.com]