10. Immediately go shopping for zucchini and cucumbers.

9. Squat over a hand-held mirror for an hour and a half.

8. See if they could finally do splits.

7. See if it’s truly possible to launch a ping pong ball 20 feet.

6. Cross their legs without rearranging.

5. Get picked up in a bar in less than 10 minutes BEFORE closing time.

4. Have consecutive multiple orgasms and still be ready for more without sleeping first.

3. Go to the gynecologist for a pelvic exam and ask to have it recorded on video.

2. Sit on the edge of the bed and pray for breasts, too.

and the NUMBER ONE thing men would do if they woke up with a vagina.

1. Finally find that damned G-spot.!!!!!

Always a good idea to keep your eyes closed if you think your man’s going to shoot his load in your face - it’s incredible how much it can sting, but don’t worry unduly - your risk of catching a life-threatening disease from spunk in your eye, even if your eye is carrying an infection, is practically zilch.  Read on:-

“I live in Australia. I work in retail and as part of my duties I am required to check the fitting rooms (where people try on clothes) - while doing this recently I rested my hand on the handle on the inside of the door. I did not realise that it had semen on it until I wiped my eye (which was already irritated from recently having a cold) and my eye began to sting and then I noticed semen all over the back of the door. Thus, unwittingly my eye came into contact with a quantity of semen from an unknown person. This fact is beyond doubt. However, now I am very worried about getting HIV from this exposure to the semen or even Hep C. I am petrified. What should I do? What are my chances of getting HIV or HEP C? When can I reasonably get tested and know that the results are conclusive. Are my chances further increased by the fact that I already had an irritation in my eye? Could you please send an answer to my email address so that it may put my fear to rest as I am starting to feel very stressed about the situation”.

OK, your risk is presumed spunk in the eye. Assuming the spunker was HIV positive, the estimated risk of acquiring HIV following a mucous membrane exposure is 0.09%. Please note that’s direct mucous membrane exposure to HIV-positive spunk! Your estimated risk would be even lower, as we don’t know the HIV status of your fitting room phantom.

Regarding hepatitis C, your risk is essentially nonexistent. Even with hepatitis C-infected blood, transmission via mucous membrane exposure is extremely rare.

Bottom line: I see no reason for you to be “petrified.”

What should you do?  [full article via thebody.com].

No need for X-Ray specs here!!

Now when we wind the clock back a few years, we begin to understand the structure of male/ female partnerships and I have consequently named it the BULGE factor.

The bulge factor is an illusive thing to define as it goes through a metamorphosis as time moves on. Women however are born with an ability to assess the bulge factor early in life. Of course the analogy of James and Jenny is highly relevant in the explanation of this bulge factor.

When a girl reaches puberty, strong natural instincts begin to work as she prepares for selection of her “mate” in the courtship dance that fulfills her childhood dream, the one mommy has helped hone to razor sharpness.

As she meets young prospective suitors, the Darwinian theory of natural selection plays out her fantasy, for she is searching for her “white knight’. All her formative training makes her seek out a man that is a “good specimen”. Characteristics for the man are that he will have a good physic, a reasonable bulge in his pants while having the potential to develop a suitable bulge in his wallet over time. [full article via home.earthlink.net].

Esquire’s sex expert weighs in on what happens when women go bare downstairs:-

To be honest, I find most extended pubic-hair ruminations tedious. Even psychosocial ones. But if I were to briefly put on my Camille Paglia hat, which is from a truck stop, I would say something about the current hair lacuna stemming directly from the cult of the Dionysian bitch-priestess. Yes, I would, and then I would bring up Madonna. But I’ve misplaced that hat, so I’ll simply say the new bareness is a trend instigated by porn and exploited by the media, because when those two get together, anything can happen. No one suffers much from an absence of pubic hair; its evolutionary function is thought to be as a buffer for intercourse ... [full article via esquire.com].

I don’t think this was quite what she had in mind when she was promised a bunch of red roses..................

But surely, the safest and yet most satisfyingly painful is pure and simple self-flagellation. Take a small bunch of sharp twigs (or perhaps rose stems, complete with thorns, if you’ve got the money), tie them together at one end and fan the other, rather like a rudimentary brush, and proceed to beat your own back until you bleed and pass out. Allow the wounds to heal, then do it all again. It’s usually accompanied by copious weeping.

For the more advanced self-flagellator, there is always the option of fashioning a cat o’ nine tails. Nine thin leather strips, again bound together at one end, but each one with a small piece of sharp rock, twisted metal or broken glass tied to the end of the strand. You can then beat yourself across the spine, allowing the fragments to bury themselves into your flesh, and then draw them through your skin as you drag the ‘cat’ off your back. Not exactly my idea of fun, but certainly preferable to watching the Eurovision Song Contest. [via blog of eternal disappointmentt].

.................thank God for that!

What exactly defines “ugly”?  I’ve known many handsome men, considered to be “great catches” only to be turned off completely by their ugliness inside. And most beautiful women I’ve ever encountered are so wrapped up in themselves that they don’t have a clue how to be a beautiful person.

Personally, I’m more interested in a person’s manner than their physical attractiveness; but I do think pride in oneself is important, ie. paying attention to personal hygiene and making the most of what God gave them without being obsessed about their looks.  Letting yourself go demonstrates a lack of self-respect and for your partner, which is unnecessary and destructive to a relationship.

Sexiness evolves according to what we see over and over. This mechanism, Winkielman noted in a statement, “accounts for cultural differences in beauty — and historical differences in beauty as well — because beauty basically depends on what you’ve been exposed to and what is therefore easy on your mind.”

Past studies seemed to show that people look at human faces in search of cues as to how likely a person would be to make a healthy baby. While that may be true, Piotr Winkielman of the University of California at San Diego and colleagues didn’t even use people in their attractiveness test. They showed test subjects patterns of dots. The sets those people liked the most were the ones that closely resembled a “prototypical” set they had been conditioned to recognize.

In short, we like familiar things. We come to anticipate how things are supposed to look by seeing prototypes. Then, when we encounter something that resembles the prototype, our brains don’t have to work too hard to recognize and process it. Winkielman calls this “fluency.” The more fluent we are, the easier it is and we show our appreciation for that ease by rating a fish, or a bird, or a car, or a set of dots, or Scarlett Johansson, as more attractive than something unexpected or unusual.

The messages we receive about sex from our parents, the media, and our educational, social, and religious institutions tend to be contradictory, and often downright false. One way to combat the lies we’re told about sex is to start cataloguing them. Below is a very incomplete list of some of the biggest lies we’re told about sex.

Sex is natural and simple: You should just know how to do it.

Sex is natural, we’re told, because we have to do it to survive. But this doesn’t accurately describe what human sexuality has become. Intercourse may be instinctual for some (but clearly not all) of us, but sexuality is much more than intercourse, and none of it actually comes easily. It’s it strange that we are taught how to perform most other basic human behaviors (how to eat, how to communicate, how to go to the bathroom) and as we get older we learn the more complicated ones (how to read, write, drive a car, work) and yet we’re just supposed to know how to have sex. [full article via sexuality.about.com]

I’ve always been quite large breasted - I developed early, and since then they’ve kept growing steadily over the years, so now I’m a 36DD. For some reason, everytime I went to get fitted for bras, I was always told not to get underwired bras, as they were bad for the muscles, and would result in droopy boos (??) so, obviously, not wanting that, I followed there advice and have been wearing the most ugly non-underwired bras until now.

Now, though, I’ve been hearings that it’s really bad not ot wear underwired - at it is in fact the inderwired which prevent drooping…

this would make sense, as now I have the most disgusting droopy boobs - instead of growing outwards, they’ve just kept growing downwards - which is horrible, and just quite upsetting - especially at my age. Whenever I hear anything about drooping boobs - its always 50+ women with 5 kids - and they always say they miss the boobs they had when they were 16!

This isn’t right, and it is actually really upsetting. I’ve never owned a bikini, *refuse* to change in front of even my girl friends, and I’m now far too terrified to let a guy see them...[via tthestudentroom.co.uk].

See what I mean?  Those X-Ray specs would have come in real handy!

When I asked Stefano if he would like to have sex with him, he just answered, “Why, wouldn’t you?” I didn’t really think about it until up to then, but I think I would have liked doing it at least once, just for a try. Who knows how he is in bed? Hot, cold, lazy, frenzied… I really can’t imagine it. He also wears soft clothing so that one cannot determine if he has a big, medium or disappointing cock. It’s true that the size is not so important, the main thing is how one uses it. [full story via andrejkoymasky.com].

At least you wouldn’t get lung cancer and your breath wouldn’t stink.

Mind you, not sure that a smoky tasting pussy would appeal to many of us.

She seems to have scared off all the commuters, but I wonder what happened to her head??

From the Latin ‘toothed vagina’ - vagina a sheath + dentata toothed, from dens, dentis a tooth. Sometimes refered to as ‘vagina dentate’.

The vagina dentata appears in the myths and legends of several cultures including Greek, Egyptian and Native American. The stories are “frequently told as cautionary tales warning of the dangers of sex with strange women.” - wikipedia.org. In psychoanalytic theory, the concept is often refered to in the context of fear of castration.The Austrian psychoanalyst Otto Rank (1884�1939) first identified it, in his book The Trauma of Birth (1924), as a widespread cause of anxiety among neurotic men, and it was explored further by the Hungarian psychoanalyst Sandor Ferenczi. - source http://www.encyclopedia.com.org

I wish there was such a thing as X-ray vision - just think, you could check out a guy’s equipment to make sure it meets your standards before having to make any kind of intimate commitment.  It would certainly save you from being potentially disappointed and save his pride.

I imagine people completely naked all the time. Grocery stores, malls, bars, even the poor toll booth collectors on the turnpike. No one is safe from my XXX ray vision.

I can’t even say why I do this. If it was only really hot people I was imagining, then I could blame it on being over sexed. But it seems that the more fucked up a person’s body is, the more my imagination takes over. But I don’t stop there. I then start picturing them doing things. Strange things while in the buff. For example…

The 300 pound man picking out Doritoes is not only naked, he’s trying to ride a horse.

The old man with one leg is buck naked trying to run to the bathroom before he shits himself.

Even some of the people that use their own pictures as avatars are usually naked during one point or another as I’m browsing through the threads.

I need therapy. Lots and lots of therapy. [via tuckermax.com].

I don’t like “metrosexuals”.  All that make-up and tuning in to their feminine side - it’s all a bit poncy and pretentious to my mind.  A man should be a man - he should know his place in the world and take charge of his masculinity.  It doesn’t mean he has to behave like a Neanderthal and drag his woman around by the hair and beat her with his club - it just means they should be strong and protective.

Still want them to be caring and considerate though and to talk about their feelings and show their emotions - poor sods!

Throw out the sarongs. Bin the man mascara. Yes, the ‘retrosexuals’ are coming, real men who are determined to banish the metrosexual for ever and return the modern man to his former status as a simple, masculine being who knows what he likes and his place in the world.

Now, a new book, The Retrosexual Manual, aims to rally supporters to the new movement. But are men ready to cast off the shackles feminism attempts to impose on them? And do women really want a man with more than a touch of the Neanderthal? Here, the book’s author explains his view, while the Mail’s JACI STEPHEN gives the female perspective. [full article via dailymail.co.uk].

If your boobs are feeling droopy and in dire need of a an uplift, but you don’t want to go through the trauma of a boob job, scotch tape could be just one of the solutions available to you.  Cheap and effective, it would appear going by the photo, but you would need to select your clothing carefully so as not to give away your secret.

The link below from mirror.co.uk, lists 10 tricks to giving your boobs and consequently your self-esteem an uplifting boost without risking the surgeon’s knife........

BEAUTY (without going under the knife!) Myleene Klass has been raising a few eyebrows lately with her disappearing breasts. If yours have shrunk due to age, diet or breast-feeding, here are 10 tricks to get your bounce back..

(1) TRY A CLEVER TAN How it works..
“Having a professional spray-tan is a great cheat’s way to get a bigger bust,” says stylist Laura Robinson from Caboodle Style. “Your beautician can use an airbrush to shade definition and create a cleavage And if you can’t face the hassle or cost of a salon treatment, you can do it yourself at home with spray tan or a bronzer and a large make-up brush. [see the full list via mirror.co.uk].